Pseudo Review: The Cottage

If Edgar Wright had directed From Dusk Till Dawn and replaced the Vampire Strippers with Jason Voorhees, you’d have something pretty close to The Cottage.

The first half of the flick teaches you how not to commit a kidnapping. First lesson; don’t kidnap someone more dangerous than yourself. Tracey (played by Jennifer Ellison and her huge breast) is the kidnap victim from hell. After breaking the nose and jaw of one of her hapless kidnappers, she escapes and flees in to woods. Lots of swearing, chasing, and yelling ensue. All this crazy Brit comedy action catches the attention of a very large and pissed off Maniac living near by. His hobbies include killing and collecting the faces of his victims, Leatherface style. It goes with out saying things take a turn for the worst for all involved.

One part crime caper, one part Slasher flick, The Cottage was the most fun I’ve had in my living room since the cable company inadvertently gave me all that free porn. Featuring a stand out performance from Andy Serkis (Gollum is a real bad ass) and a cool new movie monster (think Jason from Friday the 13th Part II if Kane Hodder had played him back then) and you have another bloody good horror movie from the UK… emphasis on bloody.