Pseudo Review: Doomsday

Neil Marshall pretty much rules. Dog Soldiers is all sorts of ass kicking fun and The Descent is one of the scariest flicks to come around in quite some time. He’s earned my viewer ship so I’m going to take a gander at anything he directs from now on (well, maybe not if he gets in to gay porn, but I guess that depends on the storyline) Marshall’s latest flick, Doomsday, is just hitting DVD shelves so I though I’d give a few thoughts.

What’s Doomsday about? Watch Escape from New York and The Road Warrior back to back and you’ve pretty much got it. It’s basically a mega-homage to those two films and any other post apocalyptic action flick you can think of. You even have characters named Miller and Carpenter just in case you’re in a coma and missed all the other references.

So is the flick any good? Well, it was definitely fun to look at. There were lots of cool action scenes, but if you’ve seen Road Warrior they’ll look awfully familiar. The first half of the film actually has some genuine suspense as a group of soldiers venture in to a city thought to be uninhabited (Spoiler: it ain’t). The second half of the flick looses some gusto as a modern day medieval kingdom subplot is introduced. I just wasn’t in to the Knights in Armour stuff as much as the Cannibals in leather.

Doomsday is definitely the lesser of Marshall’s genre efforts. I didn’t hate it or anything. If you enjoyed going to video stores in the 80’s and renting cheesy Italian Mad Max rip offs, you should at least get a kick out of it. I’m just glad Marshall got this indulgence out his system. It wasn’t that it’s a terrible film; I just wasn’t blown away like I was by his previous efforts. Here’s hoping’ I’ll get blown again real soon… ummm, you know what I mean.

Bookstores, Cannibals, and Jack Ketchum

So I’ve been waiting forever for my city to get one of them there fancy mega book stores all the rich folk go to. Much to my joy and amazement, it was announced several months ago that an Indigo Books was coming to my fair City. Indigo certainly fits the bill of a mega Book store. Shortly after the announcement, construction began. As I was driving around aimlessly last night (as I am ought to do on occasion) I noticed that Indigo had finally opened. Since I haven’t read anything lately other than comic books and “Final Notice” letters, I decided to indulge my self and buy a book.

I went to the Horror section (natch’) and found some novels by Jack Ketchum. I’ve heard lots of good things about Ketchum’s work (Rue Morgue Magazine loves the guy) so I decided I’d buy something written by him. One that caught my eye in particular was called Off Season. It’s about a group of friends staying the weekend in an isolated cabin. Unfortunately for them there’s a family of Cannibals living near by. Obviously that’s the one I bought. I’ll hopefully have it read and reviewed in the next week or so.

As an aside, I asked one of the employees when they had opened. He said the grand opening wasn’t till later in August, but tomorrow was a “soft opening.” Today wasn’t an opening per se, merely the first day people could come in and buy stuff, but technically they weren’t really open. It sounded very much like a Miss USA contestant answering a question on Iraq. Who knew selling books was so complicated.

Pseudo Review: X-Files I Want To Believe

When an FBI agent goes missing, a former priest turned psychic claims he has information that can help find her. With potential paranormal activity, Fox and Mulder are re-united to help with the case.

I’m not a hardcore X-Files fan by any stretch of the imagination. I enjoyed the series and liked the first movie, but lost interst when the Alien mythology got too convoluted and David Duchovny essentially left the show. If ever there was a series that jumped the Fluke man shark, it was the X-Files. But absence makes the heart grow fonder, and after six years I was kinda stoked to see Mulder and Scully again (based on the box office estimates, not many others were).

I was pretty sick of the whole Alien conspiracy by the end of the series, so I’m glad this flick was a stand alone story. Part of the problem with the first X-Files film (horribly titled X-Files: Fight the Future) was that it tried to unravel some of the mystery about the conspiracy, but at the same time add a few wrinkles to it. It ended up making the whole thing more convoluted than ever. With I Want to Believe, you really don’t need to know anything about black oil or cigarette smoking men to enjoy it.

One criticism I’ve heard is that the story isn’t “epic” enough to warrant an X-Filesmovie. The story definitely plays like an extended “monster of the week” episode, so can I can understand where the criticism comes from. There are, however, some “epic” Character moments and development between Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Their relationship evolves in this movie much more than it ever did in any of the TV episodes or even the first feature film. 

David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are both good and make the relationship between Mulder and Scully seem real and make the audience care about it. They aren’t merely “skeptic” and “Believer” for the sake of dramatic effect. They are fully fleshed out characters. 

A few things did irk me about the movie. First off, who the hell casted Xzibit? Seriously, he sucks all manner of genitalia in this. Also, there’s a point in the film when Scully (a doctor mind you) uses Google to do some medical research. As far as I’m concerned, Google should only be used for medical research by regular dudes that want to know if it’s normal to have so many bumps ”down there”  or find the best cure for hiccups. I’m pretty sure an actual Pycisian shouldn’t be using Google. That scene reeked of product placement to me. 

All in all, I really liked this movie. I think it could have appealed to fans and X-Files newbies alike, but FOX completely botched the release and seemingly hid the movie from audiences. I was talking to a friend that’s a really big fan of the show (or X-Phile) and he only heard about the new film a few weeks ago. It’s FOX’s money to waste I guess. Hopefully fans will still find this and give it a chance.

New Friday the 13th Teaser Poster

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37672

Well, sometimes the obvious way to go is the right way to go.

Pseudo Review: The Signal

A strange transmission is broadcast through TV, telephone and radio, causing all those that see/hear it to go insane in the Indie Horror flick The Signal. It’s kind of like what happens to me when my girlfriend makes me watch Telia Tequila.

The premise isn’t all that original (George A. Romero’s The Crazies with a pinch of 28 Days Later) but the execution is what sets The Signal apart. The film is told in three parts (or Transmissions) that all relate to each other. Each Transmission has a different director, so even though the movie takes place in the same universe, we have three different perspectives. This causes the tone to shift several times. The first Transmission is straight up horror, where as the second is more humorous (albeit very black humour). The third Transmission has a similar tone to the first, but is more Sci-Fi than Horror. I must admit, I preferred the more serious transmissions, but the middle one did have me laughing out loud, so it was a good idea to have the tension break right smack dab in the middle.

The movie is purposefully ambiguous, no explanation is ever really given for the signal and different people seem to be affected in different ways. Some go straight up murderous, others go nuts but don’t seem dangerous, and others go in to a catatonic state. I liked the ambiguity since I don’t need things spoon fed to me, but at times I wasn’t sure who was affected and who was just a natural oddball. The “rules” of the signal are very vague (how long to you have to be exposed to it, are the affects permanent etc…) Perhaps this was because each director had their own take.

I’ve heard critics say The Signal is destined to be a “cult classics.” I’m not sure it reaches “classic” status, but it did reach “entertained the heck out me” status. The acting is very solid, we get some good scares (especially in the tension filled first transmission) and I gave a crap about the characters. For all you sappy types, it’s also a pretty decent love story. You can’t really beat apocalyptic Sci-Fi with pseudo-Zombies that also tries to pull at your heart strings.

Pseudo Review: The Flock

The Flock stars Richard Gere as Errol Babbage. Babbage works for the Department of Public Safety and is tasked with keeping tabs on registered sex offenders (which is only slightly worse than my job). After a teenage girl goes missing, he becomes convinced one of his “flock” is responsible and becomes obsessed with finding out whom.

Here’s a DVD I never would’ve glanced at (let alone rented) had it not been for all the good things I read on the internet. Ahhh the internet, not just for porn… but, you know, mainly for porn. Anyhoo, The Flock occasionally cribs from SE7EN and Silence of the Lambs, but for the most part this an original and engaging thriller. Gere is good as the obsessed Babbage. Claire Danes is also good as Babbage’s eventual replacement that he must train in the ways of the Jedi… and by Jedi I mean people that have to keep an eye on perverts.

Considering the subject matter, this should’ve been a much darker and more disturbing movie, so I kind of wish the filmmakers hadn’t played it so safe. Also, the climax goes on a little too long and you’ll really wonder why no one ever thinks to call 911. With all that being said, however, the interesting premise and solid performances make up for the film’s short comings.

The Flock is a more than serviceable thriller that deserves to be viewed, so I’m glad people seem to be discovering it on video. I geuss Blockbuster is good for something after all. Not good for porn mind you, but still good for something.

Scream 4?

So apparently there going ahead with a Scream 4. You can check out some news on it here:

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/12910

…here:

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/12973

…and possibly here:

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/12981

I’m a big fan of the original. I know it’s gotten a bad rep ’cause it inadvertently began a trend of PG-13 horror flicks aimed at teens and starring WB network rejects. Thing is, Scream was actually a pretty mean spirited “R” rated horror movie with suspense, scares, and blood. The two sequels, however, were huge disappointments to me. Hence, I’m pretty ”meh” on the whole idea . The possibility of Wes Craven not being involved doesn’t help matters either. 

On a side note, why the hell is Neve Campbell so luke warm to do it? Seriously, I’m pretty sure her schedule is wide open, so why not do the one movie people actually want to see her in?

A look at the new Jason Voorhees

http://www.dreadcentral.com/story/better-look-new-jason

Ummmm, well, maybe…

Okay, I’m not sure how I feel about this look for Jason, but I’m leaning towards don’t like. I kinda get what their going for, but it looks too polished some how. Still, I hope no one gets there panties in knot over one photograph on the Internet… unless panty knotting is your thing. That’s totally cool if it is.

Pseudo Review: The Dark Knight

Just got home from a “midnight screening” of The Dark Knight. It actually didn’t start until 12:30, and they still showed a damn car comercial before the trailers. Anyway, it’s after 3:00 AM and I have a sick daughter that’s probably gonna wake up in a few hours, so I have to make this quick.

To change things up, I’m not really going to review the movie per se. Instead, I’m going to answer all your burning questions about The Dark Knight. There aren’t any real spoilers here, but I do discuss plot points that you may not want to know before seeing it. Let’s begin:

Is Heath Ledger really that good?

Yes. 

This was the cinematic Joker I’ve always wanted. He’s not out for revenge or money. He has no easily explained origin. That’s the Penguin, or The Riddler, or even Two-Face. Heath Ledger’s Joker is an evil god of chaos. He’s a psychopath. He’s scary. All he wants is pain and disorder. He wants to watch people eat each other alive and there’s nothing you can say, nothing you can give him, nothing you can do to save yourself or your loved ones. Every time Ledger appeared on the screen, there was a buzz in the theatre. You could feel this weird energy. This is a result of a filmmaker and an actor willing to take a character to the edge, and that’s right where The Joker belongs.

Okay, Heath Ledger kicks ass, what about the rest of the cast?

There all awesome.

Christian Bale is the perfect Batman/Bruce Wayne. Michael Keaton was a good Batman, but he never played Bruce Wayne right. Christian Bale nails both roles with a sledge hammer. Michael Caine is still the perfect Alfred and Gary Oldman still rocks as James Gordon. Morgan Freeman is also great as Lucius Fox, a chacter that’s much more interesting in the films than he is in the comics. Of course, we know all that going in. The wild card is Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent. If you don’t buy his transformation from truly good guy  (“the best of us all”) in to something… else, the whole movie would fall apart like a house of (Joker) cards. Luckily, he’s more than up to it and gives a superstar making performance. By the end of the film you realize this wasn’t so much a Batman and Joker story, but rather a Harvey Dent story. Superman made you believe a man can fly. The Dark Knight makes you believe a man can fall. 

Maggie Gyllenhaal is also a major upgrade over Tom Cruise’s current wife.

Is the movie as dark as people say it is?

Yes.

There’s a point halfway through The Dark Knight when it looks like good will prevail and the heroes will be victorious. Of course, the movie is only half over, so you know things are gonna turn again. There’s a real sense of dread as you wait for the Joker’s next unpredictable move while the good guys celebrate. No one gets off lightly in this one folks. Amongst all the fear, however, there does lie hope. At least, there lies the possibility of hope. You’ll just have to see it for yourselves.

Does this movie really have something to say about 9/11?

 I think so. 

The Joker is a terrorist. He’s a terrorist with no political agenda, but a terrorist nonetheless. The people of Gotham City are afraid, but they never know exactly what they should be afraid off. It’s very much how the Western world felt after Sept 11. Fear and panic can have devastating effects on otherwise good people.

If Gotham City represents the fear caused by terrorism in the Western world, Harvey Dent represents the rage. He starts out as a fearless defender of justice. But then he’s attacked in ways he never could have imagined. So he lashes out, but maybe not at those that deserve it. 

Batman has his own 9/11 moments. He must ask himself at what point does freedom take a back seat to justice and can they even be mutually exclusive? Do the ends always justify the means? How much collateral damage can we take? How far can you go to stop injustice before you cause injustice? 

Of course, I might be reading too much in to it. Again, you’ll have to see it and decide for yourself.

Is the movie 100% perfect?

I’m gonna say 99%.

I’m still not satisfied with the Bat suit (although it’s an an improvement over the one in Batman Begins) and there’s a particular Bat gadget that really stretches the limits of believability. Otherwise, this is a pretty pristine flick. Kudos to uber talented Director Christopher Nolan for bringing it all together. 

Did you like it?

Yes, yes I did. 

To call The Dark Knight a “comic book” movie is to call The Godfather a “novel” movie. It’s simply a great film, a cinematic experience. And it kicks all sorts of ass.

Pseudo Review – Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (directed by Guillermo del Toro) is a Dark Fairy Tale filled with mythical creatures and story book imagery, but never skimps on the comic book action. It’s better than the 2004 original and my favorite English language del Toro film to date. I think the critical and commercial success of Pan’s Labyrinth has afforded him the creative freedom he used to only get while making non-Hollywood films.

The plot, which centers on an Elf Prince that wants to wage war on Man, could easily have become convoluted in the hands of a lesser director. There’s lots of back story dealing with various characters and creatures that are introduced in to the Hellboy mythology, but del Toro is able to pull it all together. You’d get confused if you stopped paying attention, but the screen is filled with such cool imagery, you’ll have a hard time looking away.

One of the best things about the movie is the main character himself. Ron Perlman could have played Hellboy as a brooding, anti-hero type. Instead we get a hero that, in spite of it all, is actually quite happy in his own red skin. He’s just an easy going everyman (everydemon?) content to save the world and enjoy a cold beer. As demons go, he’s one likable Devil. Hellboy’s ultimate fate, which may include destroying the world, is touched upon but we don’t see Big Red dwelling on it too much.

I’m really happy for Doug Jones. Jones’ ridiculously thin body has gotten him cast as all sorts of weird creatures, but rarely has he been able to give any of them voice. Jones was cast as the Aquatic Abe Sapien in the original, but David Hyde Pierce was brought in to re-dub Abe’s lines. I’m sure some studio exec felt the casting of Frasier’s brother was paramount to the film’s success. Anyway, Jones rightfully gets a chance to have his voice heard this time around and does a fine job. All the performances are good in fact. I did get a little tired of Liz Sherman (played by Selma Blair) whining about being a freak. The 7 ft Demon and the dude that looks like the Creature from the Black Lagoon aren’t complaining, why should you?

The main criticism I have of the film is the relationship between Abe and Princess Nuala. It felt forced and causes Abe to make a really bone head decision that’s totally out of character for him. I know it’s meant to convey the illogical way people act when their in love (especially for the first time), but I just never bought it.

Small criticisms aside, as epic movies based on cult comics go, Hell Boy II was a good one. It’s actually gotten me interested in reading Mike Mignola’s Hellboy comics, which is the ultimate praise for a theatrical Adaptation. I seem to remember hearing del Torro is getting ready to adapt another book to the screen, something about Hobbits I think…